“Every girl is expected to have caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall butt, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, and the arms of Michelle Obama. The only person close to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling.” -Tina Fey, Bossypants
Papa Burgundy is back! Last night on Conan Will Ferrell announced in character that the long rumored Anchorman 2 was a done deal. In honor of this jackpot of good fortune for Anchorman fans such and myself, here are my top 5 quotes from Anchorman:
#5: I’m a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science.
#4 Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.
# 3 Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?
#2 I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.
#1 Milk was a bad choice